I Just Can't Take It Anymore
by meepbeep
Summary: Gakuto just can't take it anymore. All of Yuushi's flings, and how he will never be more than a best friend to Yuushi. And he just can't take it anymore. ANGST/TRAGEDY. DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ. BOYXBOY.


_hahahahaha... so... i was... in a kinda crappy/depressed/bored mood when i wrote/finished this... i started it about a month ago, and then i just stopped. and i finished it a couple days ago. so, you might be able to find the place where i picked up on the story, idk. but. i was in a depressed mood, so that's why it ended like that. i mean, a month ago, when i started it, it was going to have a happy ending, because, i mean, Belonging ended kinda depressingly, so i thought i would make up for it. of course, that didn't work out. instead, i just made it even more depressing than Belonging -" SHAME. but, i hope you like it... its my second attempt at angst, and my first at tragedy, so please be kind ^^_

_so, ya... here ya go xD_

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For the past year, Gakuto had been lying to himself. He denied loving anyone when his friends asked him, and he would casually joke that maybe one day, the right girl would come around. But inside, he knew that that would never be true. No one would come around for him to love, because the one he loved, was already near him, was already next to him. Because he knew, that for the rest of his life, he would be in love with one Oshitari Yuushi.

Yuushi was his best friend. They had been together since middle school, and Gakuto didn't want to lose the one thing that mattered to him. If the whole world was annihilated, and only he had Yuushi remained, he would be fine, even blissful. He did not want to jeopardize his friendship with Yuushi for a slight chance of being his lover. And Gakuto knew, from years of being with Yuushi, that Yuushi did not treat his lovers as well as he treated his friends. So, if Gakuto had a choice, he would much rather be Yuushi's best friend forever, and keep his lonely love to himself.

* * *

Every time Yuushi would introduce Gakuto to his girlfriends, Gakuto would painfully smile, and say, "Nice to meet you."

He didn't say that there were so many others before her; that she would probably last, only 2 weeks maximum with the tensai.

And every time Yuushi finally broke up with her, he would come strolling up to Gakuto and casually ask, "What's the plan for us today?"

And at that moment, Gakuto felt both bliss and pain.

He wanted to laugh at the world, to say that Yuushi was his, that Yuushi would never throw him away, because he was Yuushi's _best friend_. And he would feel that beautiful feeling of bliss.

But immediately after, he would feel that piercing feeling of pain. He would remember that he would only ever be Yuushi's best friend. That he would never touch Yuushi in the ways that his girlfriends did, that he would never be able to cross _that line_ with Yuushi. And the thought of that was so unbearably painful.

And he just couldn't take it anymore. The pain that ran through his heart every time, the pain he felt when he remembered Yuushi would never love him, would never be his. He just couldn't take it anymore.

* * *

The sky was thundering outside, and the water was pouring down in sheets. All the lights were off at Gakuto's house, and the only light source was the quick yet frequent flash of lightning. Gakuto sat on his bed, cross-legged, unmoving. His right hand was tight around a cream colored envelope, Yuushi's name scrawled on it with Gakuto's familiar messy handwriting. His left hand was curled around a bottle of anti-depressants, "happy pills". And they would bring him happiness… freedom.

A single tear rolled down his face, leaking from an unmoving eye. He just couldn't take it anymore.

"Goodbye Yuushi," Gakuto whispered hoarsely, tears now freely rolling down his face.

In a swift motion he chugged the bottle of pills down, slightly gagging. He was thankful for his virtually non-existent gag reflex.

He let himself fall backwards, head landing with a soft 'thump' on his pillow. He looked sideways at his bedside clock, 2:30 AM.

He could feel the pills slowly working, their effect slowly permeating his blood, a slight hazy feeling, fuzzing his conscious around the edges. He felt his mind elevating, a slight euphoric feeling washing over him, the lift he could have had with Yuushi flashed before his eyes, and more tears fell. He felt himself losing consciousness, he sighed, his breath seemingly final, and closed his eyes. This was the end.

"Yuushi, I'm so sorry but I love you."

* * *

Yuushi awoke with a start, panic rushing through him. He peered at the red LED numbers of his alarm clock, 2:30 AM. He groaned. Why had he woken up so suddenly?

Maybe it was the disturbance of the large thunderstorm.

Or maybe, it was nerves.

After the storm passed, and the sky was calm, he had decided that he would finally say it. Yuushi would go to Gakuto's house, and finally tell him what he had wanted to tell him for so long.

"I love you."

Yuushi smiled to himself happily, and drifted of back to sleep, dreams of a smiling Gakuto filling his mind.

Fin.

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_so, was that any good? i hope so... my muse for kami-sama has essentially dried up... and i don't when it will be replenished, im sorry. but i'll try my best to revive it. and second chance... well, i have ideas, i just havent written them down. and i don't know when i will... so that's bad news. _  
good news is, that i'm working on another oshixgaku oneshot! it starts out kinda depressing like all my recent fics... and maybe i'll want to make the ending happyful... i have yet to determine it... it depends on my mood at the time i finish it ^^_

_~kirikira_


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